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August 9th, 2009


09:27 am - Who Knows If The Moon's:
who knows if the moon's
             by e.e. cummings

User Rating:

8.5 /10
(19 votes)



  who knows if the moon's
a balloon,coming out of a keen city
in the sky--filled with pretty people?
(and if you and i should

get into it,if they
should take me and take you into their balloon,
why then
we'd go up higher with all the pretty people

than houses and steeples and clouds:
go sailing
away and away sailing into a keen
city which nobody's ever visited,where

always
it's
Spring)and everyone's
in love and flowers pick themselves

Current Location: Hawthorne Heights
Current Music: Amadou et Mariam

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August 3rd, 2009


02:42 pm - Housekeeping:
I have a Twitter (if I haven't told you already): bigdunks

RB just started a new blog: http://www.theshoehornjournal.blogspot.com/

The meaning of YellowTuxedo? Not taking the serious things so seriously.

Who do I miss on LJ? Jordo, Matty, Nick, Jacob E. Wallace

Number of times I've left LJ for another blogging site: many; 5-6 at least

Number of times I've come back to LJ: every

Who got me interested in blogging? Jonathan Monroe; and Jordan James to a lesser extent; I believe we started around the same time.

Fact check about the previous statement: Jordan started his on May 24th; I started mine on May 25th

How the LJ has changed? updates on daily activities--> critical essays about my world, thoughts--> dumping site for misc. information --> updates on daily activities, again

Highest number of readers? 20+

Lowest number of readers? 3 (now)

Favorite aspect? Titles, and "Current Music"

Least favorite aspect? LJ spell check

Final thoughts? Go suck a lemon.

Who is asking me these questions? Hey, I said get out of here!

Are you going crazy? OUT!

Will he keep this gimmick up much longer? No.
Current Location: Rhodes College
Current Music: Jordan James--"ChinaOK2"

(Leave a comment)

02:37 pm - Fifth Birthday of My LJ:
Didn't realize that May 25th of this year marked the five-year point for this LJ. I'm now at 850 entries, which means that I average one post every 2.14 days. Not bad for a busy bee.

In lieu of a card, please leave me a comment telling me your feelings toward this journal.

Bonus! The three names this journal has had in five years:
-Just Like Neon
-One Day A Big Wind Will Come/A Big Wind
-MJG Really Likes Slip-Ons


Current Location: Rhodes College
Current Music: The Kinks--"This Strange Effect"

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12:24 pm - Last Week and the Last Week:
Harrison broke up with Kelly the other night. After holding out all summer and keeping herself busy. Poor girl. She seems to be trying to keep her head up but I know she welcomes any distraction. We went to Osaka on Friday night for sushi and hung out at my apartment. Rebecca and Matthew came over and drank margaritas that tasted like dirt. We had every intention of going to see Jeremiah Jones play a show at the Edge but had too much going on to make it. Mallory Robert, Jenny Davis, Alex Favazza, and Alex's friend John came over after seeing Jeremiah and palled around with us for a while. Alex is back in town teaching at Southwind High School and Jenny had her wisdom teeth taken out, still a little puffy. Alex kept us entertained most of the night, as he is apt to do, and finally I had to coax everyone into leaving because it was bed-time.

Saturday I went to Bryan Kelly and Sarah Holway-Kelly's wedding after getting lunch at Bogie's with RB. It was pouring all afternoon but let up just in time for the ceremony (which was inside anyway; no big). I got to see several old Ross Road folks and some more Harding Academy friends that I had not seen in several years, in some cases. Brooke Jackson and Sarah Sparks-Brooks chatted with me a bit and caught me up on their new lives as thriving young women in the grad-school and married worlds, respectively. The wedding itself was cute, especially when Bryan choked up while saying his vows. Great couple. Couldn't be happier for them.

RB and I tried to catch Matthew at Houston's right after the wedding to see if he could make us a drink but we got suckered into sitting down and ordering a meal. We essentially ate dinner #1 at 4:00 PM, a record, even for my family. Laid low for the rest of the afternoon and watched Weeds with J and J. Best line of the episode: Cankle Bitch. Went to the P&H later the evening for dinner #2 and drinks and pool, etc. Somehow bumped in Alex, Jenny, and John for the second night in a row. After a few hours everyone went over to the Haas house where we played piano, guitar, and sang anything from "Candle in the Wind" to "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing," choir pieces to show tunes. Matthew and Alex stole the show, though J and J's cover of "This Strange Effect" by the Kinks may have been the most charming and endearing ditty of the evening. Played a few games of chess out on the back porch and salted a slug.

Sunday started strangely as RB and I drove through McDonald's for lunch at 11-ish; she left to go tutor; and I met with J and J and Matthew for breakfast at Bob's Barksdale. Lunch then breakfast, in that order, and in less than an hour from each other. If it is any consolation, I ate lightly at both restaurants. Spent the afternoon watching a travel documentary of Sigur Ros in Iceland and then went out to my parent's house for a salmon dinner. My parents surprised RB with a birthday cake (on August 2nd; her birthday is August 29th) because there was (and is) the chance that they would not see her again before she left for NYC.

Which leads me to the last week, RB's last six days in Memphis before making the big move. I'll have to keep you updated with the great things that happen each night. I want to make it special for her; it will probably be her last few days in Memphis for a very long time. I know tomorrow we are having people over to the Haas house for ice-cream cake, grilling, etc. to celebrate her last night in town with Matthew (he leaves for Philly on Wednesday). We leave for Nashville on Friday to see Mitchell and MSTRKRFT. Then she leaves for Houston on Sunday. The other few days will have to be played by ear, as they say.

In more serious news (I suppose), I resigned from my position as General Manager of Rhodes Radio. It was an extremely difficult and personal decision that I had been thinking about for some time, but I couldn't bring myself to half-ass a job that requires someone with much more dedication and talent than I have at this point. I've gotten a good bit of flack from a few folks--some aggressive, some passive-aggressive--but I have hopes that things will mellow out in due time. I will always be a fan of the shouting man and I can't wait to see what Allen Pierce et al have in store for us this year.

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July 28th, 2009


01:54 pm - Paris Review Interview with Hemingway:
The further you go with writing, the more alone you are. Most of your best and oldest friends die. Others move away. You do not see them except rarely...you exchange comic, sometimes cheerfully obscene and irresponsible letters, and it is almost as good as talking. But you are more alone because that is how you must work and the time to work is shorter all the time and if you waste it you feel you have committed a sin for which there is no forgiveness.
--Ernest Hemingway, in an interview with the Paris Review

Click here to see the book containing this interview, plus interviews with Truman Capote, T.S. Eliot, Saul Bellow, Kurt Vonnegut, and Elizabeth Bishop.


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July 24th, 2009


09:20 am - A Crash-Course of the Past Week, Involving Chicago, Pizza, and Shows:
So I've been back for a week and have forgotten to update. No big deal. No one reads this anyhow.

Chicago was incredible. It made me believe that I could live quite happily in the Midwest. RB and I had a great ride down; played Pokemon DS and listened to a lot of the new music on my iPod; got lost trying to find her grandparent's house; had to pull over once or twice to find change in the cup holders and seat-cracks just to pay our tolls; arrived very late and went straight to bed.

Awoke early the next morning and had muffins the size of a big thing, courtesy of Dunkin Donuts (which, by the way, dominates Starbucks in the Midwest 5:1). Took a train down into the city; walked confusedly for a bit up and down the bustling streets until finding a pizza place for lunch. A few beers; an individual deep dish for me plus a thin crust split between the two of us. Verdict: in a upset, thin crust takes the cake (or pie). Checked out the Urban Outfitters; visited Buckingham Fountain (so good, big); took a nap in Millennium Park; watched teenage hipsters ("scenesters" according to RB) play volleyball poorly; stepped inside the Public Library turned Cultural Center; so beautiful, and covered with names likes Emerson, Hawthorne, and Catullus; waited out the rain to see the Art Institute, which RB said was free after 5 PM; at 5 PM, realized that they were closing and that whatever notion she had about its being free was inaccurate and wishful; took the train back with an obnoxious family drinking beer and eating chips and dip; the little boy had red dye in his hair and looked like the nephew on Tom Goes to the Mayor.




The next day RB's aunt Lorie came out and took us to see Frank Lloyd Wright's house, easily my favorite part of the trip; I can't imagine having a house that isn't designed like this one; got some postcards for our summer scrapbook and took the train down into the city again; ate at the same pizza place again; polished off an XL with just three people; even better than the day before; saw a European looking family; saw a Mexican looking family; saw a Persian looking family; went to the Contemporary Arts Museum for about an hour before they closed (thanks for the warning, I thought); saw the Impressionist exhibit only; could have spent an entire day in there; might do it someday; bought some postcards for my room, including one or two Japanese prints; train home; met her uncle and aunt; looked at photographs from RB's farm in Michigan and the annual croquet game; went to bed early.

Sunday we woke up and went to church; wore plaid and skinny jeans; feared I would be under-dressed; turned out to be okay; was introduced to all of Grammy's friends as "Rebecca's friend Michael," which I found odd; died a little inside; discovered that it was just hunger; jotted notes about the Ten Commandments that I found thought-provoking (RB agreed); kind of a genius; nope, that was hunger too; sang some hymns; went to breakfast at Egglectic; kept getting touched by the waitress; had a fat-ass omelet and sourdough toast; drove all the way home.

As for the rest of the week, there is nothing too exciting to speak of. Pint night at Celtic with J&J and Matthew on Monday; drunk for $10; RB stayed home because she was feeling bad; a cat sneaked into my apartment; Matthew, Jordan, and I stayed up watching Little Rascals on VHS and listening to Matthew imitate Frankie Valli. Tuesday went to the Hi-Tone for Happy Hour (50% off pizza; $1 PBR drafts; $3 mixed drinks) with Matthew and Jordan; Matty ordered a very complicated drink that the bartender had never heard of; listened to a terrible band sound check; drove home in the rain; went to see Harry Potter 6 with Matthew and RB; wands are fun; swapped Matthew season 1 of Weeds for season 2 of Mad Men.

Wednesday my boss Bill Short got sick halfway through the day and so I sneaked upstairs and read Galway Kinnell's "Selected Poems" for 2+ hours; I have decided that he is my favorite poet, followed so closely by Philip Larkin; the two are very similar; drove out to my parent's house for shrimp spaghetti; watched some videos my sister took of kids at her day camp telling jokes; most were very funny, but only because they were small children; one kid fucked up "Orange you glad I didn't say banana?" by actually saying banana before that punchline; who cares; humble beginnings; watched home movies with Mom and Kelly; had a terribly sad moment when we saw footage of my late-aunt Melissa who killed herself a few years back, and her abusive husband Mike who was the catalyst for the tragedy; Mom cried for a bit but sobered up when we fast-forwarded to baby Kelly and baby Michael opening Christmas presents; baby Kelly kept saying "Wow!" and "Yay!" whenever she got happy and I just danced by running in circles; went back to the Haas house and did some laundry; hung out with J&J and RB on the porch; ate cinnamon cookies in the hammock.

Bill Short was sick again yesterday, so I didn't do any work for the first half of the day; posted a blog on my five albums for summer over at www.rhodesradio.org/blog and looked up prices on scooters for my stint living in Iceland; driving around Ring Road (look it up) on a Vespa will be incredible; ate a bowl of pineapple for lunch; went to Memphis Pizza Cafe for dinner with Jordan and RB; Happy Hour again, so we got $1 off our pizza and Killian's Irish Reds for $2 apiece; a waitress that was not ours came outside while RB was in the bathroom and took our cups; I thought it was Rashida Jones (see below), and am still not convinced it wasn't; got free tickets from Bill Short to see "Much Ado About Nothing" at BPAC; picked up Alicia Queen and got there pretty early; the seating was on the actual stage, and the stage design was very minimal, which worked wonders in this case; very intimate; very, very funny; I had never seen the play before, nor had I read it, and I had a delightful time; Alicia said she could get RB and me into seeing RENT tonight at Playhouse on the Square; let us keep our fingers crossed.


 
I've been at work for an hour now and have only checked e-mail, Twitter, and LJ'd. I bought some strange citrus-green tea Nestea drink plus a Snicker's Marathon Energy bar and some Pop-tarts. I don't really want to think about how much fliff I've been throwing around lately. I start saving money...now.

Oh, and really, does anyone read this besides lightningdream?

Current Location: Rhodes College
Current Music: Frankie Valli--"I Can't Give You Anything But Love Baby"

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July 16th, 2009


09:28 am - On The Day I Left For Chicago...:
...I  found a book in our library collection worth $150.00. No correlation; just information.

Last night RB and I began making spaghetti only to find that we had left the noodles over at the Haas house. We made a bowl of clam chowder and a Stouffer's flat-bread, respectively, instead, and forced our way through some Ben & Jerry's. Polished off what was left over of the sausage and sharp cheddar from the night before; got too full and thought about throwing up; expanded and swelled instead.

After dropping by the Haas house to get the air conditioning fixed (2nd time in 6 weeks), Jen and Jordan came back to Hawthorne Heights and joined the two of us in watching a documentary called The Cruise, which is about a New York City tour guide making meaning of his world through telling the history of New York City. It was one of the best documentaries I've seen (hat-tip Netflix Recommendations) and is one of a handful of films that has truly stuck with me and asked me to re-think about things in my life that keep me from taking part in the yea-saying, life-affirming "cruise" (the featured guide's metaphor for existence).

Rebecca and I are meeting J&J at Fino's for lunch now and getting ready to take a little road trip to Chicago. I haven't been in a few years, so this should be fun. Almost as fun as training Twiggy (the nickname for my new 1st Pokemon) along the way.

I'll be back soon to tell you all about it.


Current Location: Rhodes College

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July 15th, 2009


04:35 pm - The Kingdom of God Likened to a Deer Carcass:
Eric Pankey teaches at George Mason. Great imagery; a great poem.

 

What the crow abandons, worms relish.

If I stare long enough at these remains
I will imagine a kingdom undone:

Surveyed. Staked off. Limestone and ivory.
A cathedral built upon a temple.

This bone a buttress. That one a crossbeam.
Every altar stone bloodless and sun-bleached.

Every chapel floor swept clean by the wind.
For now, wind shudders the collapsing ribs,

Swirls up a mote of fur like milkweed silk,
And touches the ruin intricately.

What the wind forsakes, dogs will drag away.

Current Location: Rhodes College

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04:30 pm - The Future: Grad Schools
I did some trimming, here's what is left. It may be the final list, save perhaps one or two. I'll apply to 12-14 schools to keep my options open.

Grad School List (7/15)
-UMass (Amherst, MA)
-NYU (New York, NY)
-George Mason (Fairfax, VA)
-Johns Hopkins (Baltimore, MD)
-Maryland (College Park, MD)
-UNC Greensboro (Greensboro, NC)
-Virgina (Charlottesville, VA)
-Alabama (Tuscaloosa, AL)
-Arkansas (Fayetteville, AR)
-Michigan (Ann Arbor, MI)
-Minnesota (Minneapolis, MN)
-Iowa (Iowa City, Iowa)
-Texas (Austin, TX)
-Montana (Missoula, MT)
-Purdue (West Lafayette, IN)
Current Location: Rhodes College
Current Music: Au Revoir Simone--"Another Likely Story"

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08:14 am - Keep Kicking Your Legs:
1. I got in trouble at work for not clocking out at lunch (Who knew? Well, I kind of knew, but often forgot.) this summer and now have to under-report my hours for the week to compensate. I'm handing back over $250 at the same time that I am looking at $300+ plane tickets to NYC. Drat.

2. I carved a maze in the attic of the library by rearranging boxes and boxes and boxes of books.

3. J&J got back from Connecticut today. RB and I went grocery shopping and made a sausage and cheese tray for dinner. It was great and then we both got sick to our tummies, RB more than me. I also got some generic brand Schnuck's cola that I like: I had four cans last night.

4. Played Prof. Layton for a bit and met Matthew and Christopher at Celtic Crossing for a few hours. Christopher says that being such good friends with us has "spoiled" him and has kept his standards for boyfriends unusually--absurdly--high. His words, not mine; I'm flattered. Matthew is still coping with his recent break-up with Charli but seems to be doing well all things considered. I told him he will hurt for a long time but to do whatever it took to keep afloat through the last 5-6 weeks of this summer and that things would slowly mend themselves.

5. Should I feel bad that I get excited about frozen dinners and lunches? Stouffer's--you did this to me.
Current Location: 207 Hawthorne
Current Music: Camera Obscura--"Anti-Western"

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July 14th, 2009


07:34 am - Bastille Day:
Spent yesterday working at the library taking inventory of a collection of Chinese books, notebooks, sketchbooks, and slides given to us as a gift from an American lady who clearly spent several years immersing herself in Chinese culture. A great storm came through early in the day, shaking windows and leaking under the doors to the outside. It was impressive weather and cooled us off for the rest of the day. I wish weather like this would come more often; hence, why I want to make the move to the Pacific Northwest by my mid-twenties. Now there's a place I could set up shop for a while.

Rebecca and I tried out a new restaurant in the midtown area called Overton Park Pizze Stone. It sits pretty on a corner lot off of Overton Park (the street), close neighbors with Fresh Slices Deli. I got a fresh margherita pizze (they spell it with an 'e' there; more Italian, I suppose) and Rebecca a pesto/goat cheese combination. The place is pretty stylish inside; I could see myself trying to rent it out for a graduation dinner or something. They also have a formidable wine rack, from what I could tell, but since both of us had ordered long before we noticed this we decided to pass for the evening and have drinks with Matthew at Celtic Crossing later in the night. Overall, the food was pleasant and fresh, a crucial element for Midtowners and certainly something that could draw in the crowd tired of the college-scene Memphis Pizza Cafe (still my favorite). The expresso creme brulee was nothing to snub either. Roughly $12+ for a personal pizze, but I would recommend it as a less busy alternative to anywhere else for your place to eat prior to any semi-formal occasion in Midtown. Enough with the review.

RB and I had a good talk about the future of our relationship and what we need from each other to make sure that we are on the same page and able to move forward at the same pace together. Things are getting difficult now that we both know she is moving to NYC in less than a month, so we're doing what we can to make sure we aren't pulling away or getting overly frightened about the transition. Here's to what's to come.

I ended up asking for a rain check regarding drinks with Matthew and Christopher. Hopefully we'll be able to make up for it tonight or tomorrow before I leave for Chicago on Thursday. Sometimes I stop and think about long we have been friends and just laugh to myself about how great it has been. Great guys; really great guys. I'd give the world for them.

On a whim, I downloaded 12-15 new albums online the other night and have been trying to give each one careful attention. The Camera Obscura album Biggest Bluest Hi-fi has been on rotation pretty regularly and is my first experience with the band. A better version of Belle and Sebastian, I think. Right now I'm listening to Fruit Bats' Mouthfuls and that too is pretty impressive. If you can only pick one, go with Camera Obscura. If you can find time for both, do it. Daniel Johnston and Echo & the Bunnymen are next.

Graduate School List 7/14:
-Maryland
-Texas
-NYU
-Purdue
-Boston U
-Emerson
-New Hampshire
-Montana
-Iowa
-Brown
-Rutgers
-Syracuse
-UMass-Amherst
-Michigan
-Alabama
-Virginia
-Sarah Lawrence
-Also: Ole Miss, Vanderbilt, Rhode Island, Cornell, Hollins, Florida, Vermont, Bennington

I read some poems by a guy named Donald Platt from Purdue that put them toward the top of the list. NYU is still high, as is Texas, Maryland, Iowa, and UMass. My poetry professor has connections at Sarah Lawrence, NYU, and Michigan, so I'm hoping those are helpful too. The goal is to narrow this list down to 15 by the time school starts (which doesn't seem far away, really).

Today is Bastille Day. I hope you honor it by storming something.



Current Location: 207 Hawthorne St.
Current Music: Echo & the Bunnymen--"The Killing Moon"

(Leave a comment)

July 13th, 2009


08:12 am - Back Home:
I'm living in my apartment for the first time since what seems like the beginning of the summer, after staying at the Bigelow-Haas house, the summer writing camp at Rhodes, and Brian-Shannon Dixon's house. On Saturday Rebecca and I had to do a thorough cleaning job from floor to fan, getting all the dust, rust, and ragweed that had accumulated in my place since I had been here last. After all, Jordan has been away a good bit too. Funny that I'm still paying rent and utilities on a vacant place though. All that to say, it is good to be back home.

Friday night RB and I went to Molly's La Casita for dinner, grabbed some tacos y quesadillas y margaritas (how bilingual!), and later met up with Matthew, Christopher, and Brittany Officer (in town from New Hampshire visiting Christopher) to see Bruno. The movie is wild, but not gratuitously. Sacha Baron Cohen is brilliant and knows how to reveal the underlying prejudices that are prevalent in American culture. A follow-up to Borat, Bruno shows us that if there is any one sub-group of humans that Americans hate more than foreigners, it is homosexuals. 

Saturday the same group went to Dish, a bar/restaurant in Cooper-Young, and enjoyed a warm summer evening on the town. The last time I was at Dish, at least a year ago, Charlotte Watson and I, at Molly Bombardi's request, popped in for a "double date" (never mind the fact that Charlotte and I were not dating) and duped the random guy into paying for all four of our gin and tonics. This time, we had to pay for ourselves, and thus racked up a little bill. I had a Pesto Chicken Pizza and a starfruit-lemon-lime-citrus concoction called a 'True Love' that was delightful, albeit girly. Texted RB's friend Amy in New York/Jersey and tried to hook her up with Matthew. The verdict is still out on whether or not my efforts were successful.

Sunday I spent most of the day sprawled on the futon playing Professor Layton, etc. RB and I watched several episodes of Mad Men and got drinks (watermelon slush, cherry limeade) at Sonic later in the evening. The youth group kids were out in full force; awful. I've never seen such a plague. The workers probably had 50 orders to fill, and I can guarantee you that the tips were minimal, if at all. I watched most of Religulous before bed and have to finish it up tonight. I'll let you know what I think of it.

I should be at work in about half an hour. I suppose I should shower for that. Good-bye friends.

In up-coming news:
RB and I are going to Chicago to visit the city/her grandparents this Thursday-Sunday; let me know if you've been there and know of good places for us to visit. I'll also be flying to NYC in mid-August to move RB into her new apartment before she enrolls at Fordham for grad school in the fall. Then it will be senior year, and time to get this horse a-boogyin', or something equally colloquial.

Current Location: Hawthorne Heights
Current Music: Jeff Tweedy--"Remember the Mountain Bed"

(Leave a comment)

June 20th, 2009


12:15 pm - Skinny Dips:
Yesterday Rebecca and I drove to Oxford to see William Faulkner's house. The trip was rough but we were okay by the time we got back to Memphis. We ordered a pizza and ate at the Haas House. Jordan and Jen went with us to Christopher's house to swim and drink. We all got naked and did flips into the water. Christopher made us some concoction of Red Bull and Fireball cinnamon whiskey, a delightful, candy-like substance. I kissed Rebecca a few times and went to bed extremely tired.

Started reading The Unbearable Lightness of Being today. I am only 10 pages in, but I do not like it. I'll give it more time to develop.

Also, I'm working on revising all of my old poems. I may end up having 200+ pages of polished (eh...) poetry in the not-too-distant future.

And if you can find a version of the song "Whale in the Night" by a band called FIRS, do it. I am enjoying it right now. Reminds me of the White Stripes mixed with Stereolab or Au Revoir Simone. Some synths and some beats and some vox. Dope.


Current Location: Rhodes College
Current Music: FIRS--"Whale in the Night"

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June 19th, 2009


11:05 am - Bang Your Head:
don't you hear me bang my head against the wall? of course you do, you cowards! so how come you don't answer me? band your head on your side of the wall and keep me company.
--charles simic, the monster loves his labyrinth
Current Location: Haas House
Current Music: Dirty Projectors--"The Bride"

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June 18th, 2009


03:13 pm - On Poetry:
It's the desire for irreverence as much as anything else that brought me first to poetry. The need to make fun of authority, break taboos, celebrate the body and its functions, claim that one has seen angels in the same breath as one says that there is no god. Just thinking about the possibility of saying shit to everything made me roll on the floor with happiness.
--Charles Simic, The Monster Loves His Labyrinth


Current Location: Rhodes College
Current Music: Culture Reject--"Sister Susi"

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June 17th, 2009


05:48 pm - Dakota, 1863:
*Note: If you don't know what a sestina is, check here.

Dakota, 1863

The reason for the all the trouble
was Benjamin Monroe's new dog
who lurked in the shade of the provisional lean-to, a crate and fence,
eyeing the boy. Ben showed the father
into the downstairs bedroom. The boy
manned the farm alone, and thus was the first to notice the horse

caught in the fence, a white horse
lying heavy so as not to trouble
his owner with a leg now laced, noosed in knotted barbs. The boy
had tagged along like a dog,
always at the ankles of his father.
"Don't get in any trouble," he told him, "and stay away from the fence."

But the boy heard nothing of the fence,
busy instead with watching the horse
and the way the wire hiccuped when he snapped his haunches. The father
washed his hands, unaware of any trouble
that had begun outside: the dog
running wild lines through the farm, and the horse sidewinding; the boy

growing more curious, as boys
are apt to do; his eyeing the fence;
his approaching the fallen animal, one step at a time. It was when the dog
began his barking that the horse
started the escape from the trouble.
Ben Monroe grabbed his wife's hand, prayed: "Oh dear God, our Father,

our Rock, and our Savior; our Father,
our God..." Seeing the struggle, the boy
reached his hands into the tangle for the elusive white leg, the trouble,
the piston pumping, destroying the fence,   
barbs branding deep scars on the horse's
skin, dust spitting up from the ground like stray gunshots and the dog

barking, the dog running; the dog
always barking and running. The father
wiped his lip on his forearm and called for one more push. The horse
kicked, struck, sent the base of the boy's
head hard against the oak fence-
post, rose in silence to a wobbly stance. Was it a silence of safety or of trouble?

From the window, the doctor spotted his son asleep near the fence, a white horse
licking his brow, the dog still barking and running. Seeing no sign of trouble,
he proclaimed Ben Monroe a new father and handed over his baby boy.

Current Location: Rhodes College
Current Music: Au Revoir Simone--"We Are Here"

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June 14th, 2009


08:03 am - MSS'D U!
Memphis has seen her share of storms the past day or two. I woke up yesterday to find the roof of my apartment strewn across the front lawn. Rhodes College is almost entirely without power. The Writing Camp has been postponed until Tuesday.

RB and I watched Stella videos online. Went to eat at China Pearl Restaurant. Drove around downtown Arlington. Took Collierville-Arlington on a breezy afternoon drive and poked around the Collierville town square. Had smoothies and iced teas at a local cafe and pranced around a few boutiques and boot shops. Talked about opening a book store near a college and selling all textbooks there, carrying a printing press to produce on-campus publications, and maintaining a coffee shop for student bands and readings. Might also hire students to work there. Profits from the shop would finance our vacations abroad, I say. After the square, ventured off to a park by my dad's old Collierville house and went on a long nature walk through the trees. Saw a neat spider and a fat baby. I was in cords, which made me very hot in the summer weather. Sun-drained, came home and got cleaned up for a night of Indian food. Golden India was with no power; tried India Palace instead. It was "o.k."

Matthew came over a bit later and played with Jen, Jordan, RB, and me. Mallory and Bailey followed. Chocolate chip cookie sandwiches. A few Summer Ales. Pizza. Fargo in the living room. A nice evening, overall. And a merry band of friends.

Met with Jason Ashlock at Huey's on Friday night. More to say about this when I get into talking about grad school advances, which may be the next post.

GR8 2 B BCK!
Current Location: Hawthorne
Current Music: Dan Deacon--"Crystal Cat"

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May 6th, 2009


03:43 pm - Final Poetry Portfolio:
Here is my work for the semester. My efforts were two-fold: (a) revisit my juvenilia poems and work on editing, (b) write some new poems. Two of these were published in The Southwestern Review creative arts journal; several more, at the behest of my poetry director, will be sent out to various national journals this summer en route to my preparation for graduate school in the fall of 2010. I'll keep you updated on how the publishing process goes; I am expected a mailbox full of rejection slips, as is usually the case for new writers, but want to be able to document my growth and experience as a poet (Jesus...).

As for graduate school, I have my long list: NYU, Columbia, Boston University, Syracuse, Rutgers, UMass, Johns Hopkins, University of Michigan, University of Iowa, Ole Miss, Vanderbilt, Cornell

Yes, I know. But about the poems...

You will have read some of these. Some will be brand new. Let me know which ones work best and why. And, as always, enjoy.

The Pensacola Beach Pier

Her father built
the Pensacola Beach Pier
from Atlantic bedrock,
the tremendous cattails
of its scaffolding
suspended in cerulean.

He worked out that way for years
until the base emerged
like the skeleton
of some wooden whale
breaching the glass-bottle surface,
extending like a dark tongue
into the blue mouth before him.

His daughter and I
would spend nights
wishing off the end,
all twenty toes dangling
as the last summer suns
nestled in for the evening
somewhere just below our shoulders.

The ocean would sail in
salty and smooth
with the sound of the vesper bell,
the two of us holding hands
inside the dark pockets
of her sweatshirt,
watching the lights
of a distant boat or plane
flicker like fireflies
on a heavy playhouse curtain.

The 108th U.S. Open

Rocco fell for Tiger
on the 90th hole
of the 108th U.S. Open;
said it was something about
the red and black
and Sunday afternoons.

With a wife, three boys,
and a two-shot lead
Rocco buried his nine-iron
in the woods behind the bunker
and putted three-hundred yards
up the dog-legged fairway;
blamed it on an off day;
gave Tiger all the credit:

He's the best;
I'm just glad to be here
with the best.

They were yoked through 89 holes
before Tiger hit the eleven-yard shot
and accepted the trophy.
A local television camera caught
Rocco shaking Tiger's large hand,
both men smiling as if
they knew similar things.

Tiger then boarded his plane
back to the West Coast
with his wife and daughter beside him,
sipped on a plastic bottle
with his face on the label.

Rocco took the first leg
of the drive home;
still feels his stomach
sit and turn over
whenever he shuffles his feet
at the tee.

Omen


The birds fly
dangerously low
overhead.

I once mistook
them for a hat
in the gusts.

The birds fly
dangerously low
overhead.

Villanelle for the Death of Our Lord

*look up the structure of a villanelle, if you don't know it, to better make sense of this poem

Talk not to me of blasphemy.
The Father's precious one is dead.
The Son hangs free from Adam's tree

with temple curtain in one piece.
The ancient saints, still tucked in bed,
talk not to me of blasphemy.

The Judge's hands are cool and clean;
the High Priest's coins, a gilted red.
The Son hangs free from Adam's tree

and leaves an empty right-hand seat.
A cloudless sky adorns his head.
Talk not to me of blasphemy,

dear soldier—drift back into sleep,
your belly full of wine and bread.
The Son hangs free from Adam's tree;

thus, since it is the Jubilee,
we must prepare a ram instead.
Talk not to me of blasphemy:
the Son hangs free from Adam's tree.

This is Us When We are Alone

We lie and watch the city
whirl and spin about us.
The vines of legs
and bed-sheets tangle;
the copper rinse
of Blue Moon and cigarettes
fills the room's cavity;
and God forgive us
if we do not love it enough.

From her pillow
she talks about her sisters
and I slink into the dream
about the train station
in the 30s, Prague.
I, in peddler's cap and patches;
she, Sunday red,
a hat packed with curls,
carrying the light of the world
on her hip.

I keep watch
from the platform gate
at her ankles and wrists
lapping back and forth
as if keeping time,
as if brushing bangs from lashes.

A kerchief falls
from the lip of her handbag;
coachman stuffs its corners
into my pocket
as I blush.

With peach ringlets,
she is still; and I am still,
tracing the white
of her contour.
Moonlight leaks
through the lines of laundry
pinned to the window frames.
No one walks the streets;
there are no dogs barking here.

Reading Robert Bly's Morning Poems at Night-time


He was reading
Robert Bly's Morning Poems
at night-time,

thinking about
that afternoon
when he sat

on the steps
of Freeway Park
and smiled at

how pleasant
it was
to be ordinary.

He reached
into the mug
with the rinsed grapes,

considered how
last night's
whiskey cup

now held
these emerald marbles
and how the pop

of each fruit
between his teeth
tasted like

the flavor
of the world
in stained-glass,

the splintered
sunshine
painting a pallet

on his tongue.
It was awfully pleasant
to be ordinary:

pleasant enough
to jot down
ordinary words.

Swan Song

The swans sing
but when they realize that they must die
they sing most beautifully...
Men who fear death tell lies about the swans
and say that they lament their death
and sing in sorrow.
-Plato,
Phaedo

A swan song soars
from the lake in my belly;
a weak, feathered thing
with an elegiac chorus.

I open my mouth;
his song is my song;
honking bass notes
flood the lower staff
of each sentence
like an open keel.

A black beak croons;
the tune hovers
like spirit over the deep.
He is the only one
on the water tonight.

The sound is distant: a piano
in the downstairs bedroom,
perhaps, or a violin
on the neighbor's balcony,
old vinyl playing
Bach after midnight.
My father once sang it
as a lullaby.

I have heard them say
this is a sad song,
but I know better.

The Big Wind

There were always more breezes
when we were together,
breezes tugging on shirt-sleeves,
making muss of my hair.
Once, in the tall grass,
one even billowed her skirt
up above the knees.
I leave the windows open
should they decide to come back.

Sometimes a ladybug flutters in,
a mulberry, or a bush twig,
but wind seldom fills the curtains
(for she took it away in a suitcase).

Catboats and ketches
undulate in the marina,
bobbing, nodding as if asleep.
A man lying on a bench
pulls the bill down over his eyes.
He dreams of a woman
with arms like a windmill,
spinning, turning up the air:

a big wind floating like daffodil.
She was once so small
even Elijah mistook her
for the voice of God.

The Firstborn

Dad named her Candy,
brought her car-side
swaddled in a company sweatshirt,
carried her across state lines
in my mother's lap—
a marble-fudge, yellow cake of a thing,
my parents' first child,

ribbon curls and ribbing,
with breathing little nostrils.
During the first move
Mom took a picture of her
beside an over-turned box,
packing-peanuts static on her face,
a snout like a glossy checker.

She barked when Mom's water broke
at the Wagner's Halloween party,
wetted down my baby locks
with a sticky stroke of tongue.
Dad once saddled me on her back,
curled my arms around her neck
in a fragile, makeshift collar.

After Dad remarried a woman named Candy,
we called her Booboo, held her in the truck bed
when we saw the new house.
Jordan and I stomped the backyard
with a deflated rag-sack of a ball,
flung it into the trees with whoops and haws,
danced like dogs in the falling persimmons.

The bridge of her nose split seams
in her old age, peeled at the stitches.
Too tired to turn one way or the other,
she rolled belly-up in the willow roots.
Narrow patches were picked from the fur
and flies cooled their feet in the blood of the firstborn.


Finding Romance in Dives Like These
is Not Hard to Do If Your Eye Knows Where to Look

*published in The Southwestern Review, May 2009

I am spraying hard piss against the
porcelain wall of a second-rate urinal
in a time-tested, double-occupancy

water closet off an exit several miles
outside of Grand Junction, Colorado.
It doesn't look like anyone else drives

this old road anymore, but I can tell
at least one other poor bastard has
helped me defile the place because I see

it squared up nicely in toilet paper,
unflushed, clinging to the whites and
stains, the smell of it creeping around

and across the back of my neck with
grubby, grabbing hands. Glancing back,
I notice that my great stream of urine has

split off into two tributaries (the major
and the minor) in that rare event men boast
about in locker rooms, the kind of shit they

wish to God their wives would applaud.
Time slowly works the two currents back
into one and I think about you again--

you in your bathroom with the dark corners
and the wobbly toilet, always clean and often
shitless--and I think that maybe you and I

can only be two streams (the major and the minor)
for so long, and that, by no work of our own,
we will somehow work our way back together

where we will form the thick and frothy golden
arch of piss and romance that makes standing in
this suffocating pile of shit maybe just worth our time.

First Rain

Twin tabbies somersault on the
porch, bellies over noses, the first
few droplets dark on their backs.
Rain like dishwater arches over us in a
bridge from the overhang; my mother
picks at a pear and says how dry the
ground has been this summer, how
high the sunflowers will grow now.
The silver one takes a paw to the
puddle; his face is filled with many
circles. With a wet sock he goes
to the rocking chair, coils, yawns,
dreams of something rainier. Inside,
Big Momma boils water in a stew-pot
and wipes her palms on her thighs. She
thumbs a pinch of melon for the black
one in the sill and calls the two of us
in for dinner. We leave our shoes
by the gutter and wash hands in
the sink; the lights are out; my fingers
cannot find the soap. Chick peas and
potatoes, coarse cuts of bread, all of
this and the melted butter are one taste
in the dark and thunder disturbs the
window pane.
        At ten o'clock Big Daddy
tucks my chin in a blanket atop the living
room floor; he kisses my head, whispers
“It’s bed-time for kitty cats,” and shuts the
door. His feet fall quietly up the carpet stairs.

Villanelle for a Bee


A honey-dripping farmyard drone
curls moon-lit in the pistil tips
not near or far, just far from home:

a sun-glazed, waxen world of comb.
His father's name close to his lips,
the fallen son, the farmyard drone

takes to a bed unlike his own:
a mud-caked, crusted pen of pigs
not near or far, just far from home.

The pebble has to leave the stone
to taste the world, and with each sip
the wayward, honeyed farmyard drone

forgets the place from which he'd flown.
The night like syrup slowly drips
onto him: far, so far from home.

As one apart and one alone,
there in the darkest hive it sits:
a bruised and drunken farmyard drone
not near or far, just far from home.

Details
*published in The Southwestern Review, May 2009

I try to capture details:
the way she watches me undress
with her body posed on the bed;
the way the satin wrinkles.
Black hair falls wind-tossed on
shoulders like hillsides.
Pale flames of skin
flicker with buttermilk candlelight:
a jar of orange marmalade
packed full of fireflies.

There she sits, dew-eyed,
perched like the king's menagerie.
The sultan's zoologist notes
the prized bird's plumage
as if offering a bottle of wine:
Would you like a taste?
Please won't you try?

Her lips pull back like wrapping paper
around her teeth, her breath weaving
lavender ribbon through my ears:
it ties a tight loop around my brain,
wrings out memories of dreams
that I had before, in another season.
The juice and dregs collect in a cup
that she lifts to my parting mouth.
The steaming contents carry down down
straight down into my stomach
like a deep penny-well
and it burns me like medicine.

I cannot forget
the way the porcelain looked
when she turned her head to the side
or how her wrists met her arms,
her fingers her hands. Details,
because if I ignore the way
her painted toes curl
like tongues of paisley,
or how the clean lines of her jaw
recall the gulf shore,
if I ignore these things
I might wake one night
with blood pumping fast down my veins,
warm where it stops at my fingertips,

and with my hands in my hair,
stand over the counter
wondering which details
I have managed to forget completely
in the time it took to fill a glass of water
or something much stronger
and how unfortunate it is
that I cannot go back to sleep.

Unclean

To he who hears
my dirty prayers:

I wonder if
you're even there.

from Nashville

II
Empty out the driver's side
and empty out the passenger's side
and empty through the front
and empty through the back
and empty in all the rearview mirrors:
there is nothing to speak of here
save the grass in the porcelain tub,
the pale grey plate with a pinch of parsley.

The sky stands tall and runs far out ahead,
sur, sous, devant, derriere, dans, a gauche, a droite,
black and purple clouds stitched like a patchwork tunnel,
heralding, celebrating, embracing my homecoming.
Thunder scatters like a spilled quiver of arrows,
red vectors springing from cloud hatches
and reverberating like car horns
from that angle and this angle, every angle
underneath the black black—the black tunnel.

IV
Then the rain comes. Down.

V
Then the rain comes. Down
on the sunroof, one bead
of water next to another.

Tunnel clouds are joining forces
and conspiring against me.
With murmuring murmurs,
they murmur their murmurs.

VII
Near the Tennessee Wildlife Refuge
at the midsection of the bridge
I am given respite from the storm,
from the tunnel, the blackness,
like going away to college
or leaving your old church
or throwing out the letters
and taking down the photos.

My eye catches the corner
of something bright and elusive,
but it is not anyone calling:
only a glare off my phone
in the cup holder.

VIII

It was an usually long year—
another knot in the string again—
but as I pass the dotted lines and exit signs
and the landscape country music built,
I have reason to believe
I soon will be received
in Nashville.

The Last Page
Om, shantih, shantih, shantih!

The last page should be empty,
    wordless, silent, and white,
    with the family gathered 'round,

holding hands, leaning forward,
    dropping tears on the bars
    of the sterile bed below.

It is always too soon,
    the end never expected,
    even though we all know

that the pages count to somewhere,
    even though we all feel
    the book growing thinner

and slipping through our fingers
    like a liquid or gas.
    But then comes the last page

and there is no more room
    for a proper good-bye
    or the final word.

Current Location: Hawthorne Heights
Current Music: Simon and Garfunkel--"Bye Bye Love"

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April 21st, 2009


07:22 pm - Life Story:

Life Story
by Tennessee Williams

After you've been to bed together for the first time,
without the advantage or disadvantage of any prior acquaintance,
the other party very often says to you,
Tell me about yourself, I want to know all about you,
what's your story? And you think maybe they really and truly do

sincerely want to know your life story, and so you light up
a cigarette and begin to tell it to them, the two of you
lying together in completely relaxed positions
like a pair of rag dolls a bored child dropped on a bed.

You tell them your story, or as much of your story
as time or a fair degree of prudence allows, and they say,
      Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
each time a little more faintly, until the oh
is just an audible breath, and then of course

there's some interruption. Slow room service comes up
with a bowl of melting ice cubes, or one of you rises to pee
and gaze at himself with mild astonishment in the bathroom mirror.
And then, the first thing you know, before you've had time
to pick up where you left off with your enthralling life story,
they're telling you their life story, exactly as they'd intended to all
      along,

and you're saying, Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
each time a little more faintly, the vowel at last becoming
no more than an audible sigh,
as the elevator, halfway down the corridor and a turn to the left,
draws one last, long, deep breath of exhaustion
and stops breathing forever. Then?

Well, one of you falls asleep
and the other one does likewise with a lighted cigarette in his mouth,
and that's how people burn to death in hotel rooms.


Current Location: Rhodes College
Current Music: Elvis Perkins--"Shampoo"

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April 14th, 2009


04:23 pm - Ambition (in Latin):
quodsi me lyricis vatibus inseres,
sublimi feriam sidera vertice.


"O, if you write my words among those of the prophets,
my proud head shall strike the sky, knocking out stars from heaven."
--Horace, Odes 1.1, lines 35-36




Current Location: Rhodes College
Current Music: Echo and the Bunnymen--"The Cutter"

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